Instant Turner-round? NBA Draft Review

I’m 99% sure all of the good puns and plays on the name “Evan” or “Turner” have been used by now, but this will have to do.

As a matter of fact, there were probably a least a few dozen newspapers and blogs that had a field day using the names “Wall”, “Turner”, “Favors”, and “Cousins”. If you put a little imagination into it, you could probably play yourself a quick version of Mad-Libs with those four nouns.

I love when people try and “grade” the draft. That’s like trying to grade a bowlful of ingredients before you actually bake them and see what it makes. Milk, eggs, flour, butter, and sugar may not look like much now, but until you actually give it time at 400°, you have no idea what you’re gonna get.

Here’s what we DO know. Evan Turner is one of the hardest working players in this draft. Not will be, IS.

The term “complete” player is thrown out a lot nowadays, but the truth of this matter is that Evan Turner is the first player since Oscar Robertson back in 1960(!) to average 20 points, 9 rebounds, and 6 assists.

With no more Eddie Jordan aka the Rich Kotite of the NBA, and a scoring guard who is ready to play now – this team is at least 15-20 games better than last year. Don’t get too excited, that still only puts them at around 45 wins. But at the very least, they should be fun and competitive.

Hey Stefanski, don't get your bad luck on our new franchise.

Not grading the NBA Draft doesn’t mean we can’t analyze it, so let’s have a look.

- John Wall (6-4 | 196 | PG | Kentucky | Pick # 1 overall to the Washington Wizards)

John Wall might be the quickest player to grace an NBA floor since some kid nicknamed “The Answer” put on a Sixers uniform back in ’96. Wall, however – is a point guard who can score, not a shooting guard in a high school point guards’ body.

I think the only issues I have with him are A. I would like him way better if he was a center(I love players whose positions fit their name a la Rashaan Salaam / RB or Will Shields / tackle) and B. He has to share a backcourt with Gilbert Arenas –  the only player whose Q rating is equal to his jersey number.

- Derrick Favors (6-10 | 245 | PF | Georgia Tech | Pick #3 overall to the NJ Nets)

Favors reminds some of Antonio McDyess pre-knee reconstruction. Do yourself a … service and go look up some of this Nuggets highlights. You’ll get the idea. One of those freakishly athletic big men. As we all know however, athleticism can only take you so far though in this league. (see: Darius Miles, James White) We’ll see if Avery Johnson can help him develop and reach his potential.

- Wesley Johnson (6-7 | 206 | SF | Syracuse | Pick #4 overall to the Minnesota Timberwolves)

Being named “Wesley” entitles you to a jumpshot. No one ever named “Wesley” didn’t have a midrange game.  I figured the Timberwolves would go for a player with a bigger upside, having only won 15 games last year. For the sake of the Big East, lets hope he becomes more than a marginal player.

-  DeMarcus Cousins (6’11 | 292 | C | Kentucky | Pick #5 overall to the Sacramento Kings)

This pick has to be the biggest “Boom vs. Bust” in the entire draft. Potentially, he could be Shaq-lite(25% less fat!) … or, he could be Eddy Curry/Derrick Coleman parts 2 and 3. He only averaged 23 minutes a game in his one year in college. Mind you, he put up solid numbers in those few minutes(15/10 per), but it has led just about everyone to question his work ethic and maturity.

Personally, I don’t think I could make a gamble on a player whose name sounds remotely like “JaMarcus”.

- Ekpe Udoh (6’10 | 237 | PF | Baylor | Pick #6 overall to the Golden State Warriors)

Whenever I think about how hard its been to be a Sixers fan, I thank my lucky stars I’m not a Warriors fan. Oddly enough, Golden States fans are some of the most loyal, rabid fans in the NBA.

…even in cases when the team is so clearly botching its draft picks.

Call me a pessimist, but I fail to see how a 6’10 offensively challenged power forward helps this team to really improve over the next few years.

- Greg Munroe (6-11 | 247 | PF/C | Georgetown | Pick #7 overall to the Detroit Pistons)

Georgetown and centers used to be synonymous, like Penn State and Linebackers. Not so in the last ten years or so, although I guess the jury is still out on Hibbert. Munroe  plays big, and he’s a fantastic passer from the paint. He should fit right in with the Pistons, but they are still missing an all-star quality starter.

- Al-Farouq Aminu (6-8 | 216 | SF | Wake Forest | Pick #8 overall to the LA Clippers)

Hypothetically, the Clippers could have the most athletic 2-3-4 combination in the league. Purely hypothetically, of course, since it’s impossible for the Clippers ever be as good in reality as they are on paper. Expect an injury of some nature to hit any day now.

- Gordon Heyward (6-8 | 211 | SF | Butler | Pick #9 overall to the Utah Jazz)

A lot of people saw this as the first surprise pick of the draft, but bome on, like the Jazz were going to let Heyward slip past them? Have you seen their roster? My guess is he wouldn’t even be near the lottery if it weren’t for Butler’s tournament run, and he might have even gone higher had he hit that half-court shot and won the title. He’s Matt Harpring 2.0, he’ll do just fine out in Salt Lake City.

- Paul George (6-9 | 214 | SF | Fresno St. | Pick #10 overall to the Indiana Pacers)

I’m not quite sure Larry Bird pays attention at all during the draft at all anymore. He essentially drafted a Danny Granger clone, which would be great – if he didn’t already have Danny Granger.

- Cole Aldrich (6-10 | 236 | C | Kansas | Pick #11 overall to the New Orleans Hornets / Traded to OKC)

Dear Cole Aldrich, please be better than Eric Montross, Bryant Reeves, Robert Swift, and Spencer Hawes. We’re looking more for a Chris Kaman, Andrew Bogut-level of productivity.

- Xavier Henry (6-6 | 210 | SG | Kansas | Pick #12 overall to the Memphis Grizzlies)

I really like this pick, unfortunately Memphis is about as significant to the NBA as Kansas City is to the MLB. Have fun languishing in mediocrity until you can become a free agent.

- Ed Davis (6-10 | 227 | PF | North Carolina | Pick #13 overall to the Toronto Raptors)

Just call him not Chris Bosh. I hope you 17 Toronto fans really enjoyed having one of the best power forwards in the league, as well as the only superstar who looked like the mascot.

- Patrick Patterson (6-9 | 240 | PF | Kentucky | Pick #14 overall to the Houston Rockets)

Rockets typically seem to get good value out of their picks, and while Patterson was outshined next to John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins last year, he really could turn out to be a good pro.

There are virtually no guarantees in the NBA draft, but especially not after the lottery – and since the Sixers didn’t have any more picks, I’ll leave you with the best of the rest from draft night.

Except for Wesley Johnson’s plaid pajama pants, there weren’t really any crazy suits to speak of , so here are the coolest names in this years draft:

Quincy Pondexter – This name does NOT make me think “6’7, 215 rebounding small forward”. If he ever goes into the workforce, he’s going to freak a lot of people out who see his resume and bring him in for an interview. |

Lazar Hayward – I’m actually kind of surprised more kids born in the 80′s aren’t named “Lazar”.

Tiny Gallon – Built just like you imagine he would be. 6’10, 305. Also, if he washes out of the NBA – there isn’t one nightclub that won’t hire him on name alone.

Magnum Rolle – Go ahead, ask his mother what her favorite 80′s TV show was.

Derrick Caracter – Shame he’s a longshot to make an NBA roster. There are hundreds of newspaper headlines and twitter hashtags just waiting for his name.

- Some final points of note:

Bucking a trend, American white players were way more popular than Europeans this year. Picks #9, 11, 16, 38, and 52 were your standard “white guy” versus only the #31 and #35 pick being the kind with funny accents.

Point guards were all over last years draft. Evans, Jennings, Flynn, Holiday, Lawson, Collison, Rubio…etc. After John Wall, there were only two other point guards taken in the first round.

Will David Stern, or any commissioner ever wise up and have someone entertaining do the player selections at the draft? Think about how much more fun it would be to watch if Dwayne Johnson or Jamie Foxx ran the show.

So what do you think Sixers fans? Happy about the pick? Excited about the upcoming season?

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